en·cour·age (n-kûrj, -kr-)
1. To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten.
2. To give support to; foster.
3. To stimulate; spur
praise (prz), n.
1. Expression of approval, commendation, or admiration.
2. The extolling or exaltation of a deity, ruler, or hero.
3. Archaic A reason for praise; merit.
We all want our children to have a good attitude and a cheerful disposition. Wouldn’t it be great if this was the case all of the time? I mean if our kids were never grumpy and always cooperative? Well, let’s be serious, that ain’t happening. However, there are some things that we can do to help our children be more positive and more willing to work with us instead of against us.
When I an education student and was learning how to be a teacher, my professors always told me to praise my students as much as I could and to be sure the praise was specific. I am sure this is not new information for many of you. So, being the good student that I am, I listened carefully and put into practice everything I was taught. I was the specific praise queen.
It wasn’t until many years later that I had a shift in thinking. What I realized is that we, as a culture, really over praise. We use too much praise and not enough encouragement.
Thinking about this, I have to ask myself a serious question. Do I want to encourage competition or build cooperation? Let’s be honest, a little (healthy) completion is good… It can be a great motivator and when children learn that they can always win, they may be inclined to work or little harder or they will try something else. Teaching children how to be good sports is an important life lesson. Bottom line… competition is real and most children are already competitive to some degree… they don’t need us to encourage competition. With that being said, it becomes more important for us to build a cooperative spirit in our children. Teaching children to cooperate will help them throughout life.
So, how can we support cooperation and minimize competition. Easy…we can use more encouragement and less praise.
Wait... What? Am I saying that you should reduce the amount of praise that you give your child? Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Honestly, we all need to be praised from time to time. We all need to hear how wonderful we are. Having your efforts praised feels good! So let’s look at this a bit closer.
Here’s what we know about praise and encouragement.
Praise is important as long as it is genuine praise. Genuine praise is the loving words that arise spontaneously and warmly from the parent's heart, without the thought of manipulating or controlling a child's behavior. All of our children need to hear genuine praise.
I believe that encouragement is more important…we have to help children know that they are on the right track, keep moving in a positive direction and try again when they are ready to give up.
Encourage as much as you can...and praise from the heart!
1. To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten.
2. To give support to; foster.
3. To stimulate; spur
praise (prz), n.
1. Expression of approval, commendation, or admiration.
2. The extolling or exaltation of a deity, ruler, or hero.
3. Archaic A reason for praise; merit.
We all want our children to have a good attitude and a cheerful disposition. Wouldn’t it be great if this was the case all of the time? I mean if our kids were never grumpy and always cooperative? Well, let’s be serious, that ain’t happening. However, there are some things that we can do to help our children be more positive and more willing to work with us instead of against us.
When I an education student and was learning how to be a teacher, my professors always told me to praise my students as much as I could and to be sure the praise was specific. I am sure this is not new information for many of you. So, being the good student that I am, I listened carefully and put into practice everything I was taught. I was the specific praise queen.
It wasn’t until many years later that I had a shift in thinking. What I realized is that we, as a culture, really over praise. We use too much praise and not enough encouragement.
Thinking about this, I have to ask myself a serious question. Do I want to encourage competition or build cooperation? Let’s be honest, a little (healthy) completion is good… It can be a great motivator and when children learn that they can always win, they may be inclined to work or little harder or they will try something else. Teaching children how to be good sports is an important life lesson. Bottom line… competition is real and most children are already competitive to some degree… they don’t need us to encourage competition. With that being said, it becomes more important for us to build a cooperative spirit in our children. Teaching children to cooperate will help them throughout life.
So, how can we support cooperation and minimize competition. Easy…we can use more encouragement and less praise.
Wait... What? Am I saying that you should reduce the amount of praise that you give your child? Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Honestly, we all need to be praised from time to time. We all need to hear how wonderful we are. Having your efforts praised feels good! So let’s look at this a bit closer.
Here’s what we know about praise and encouragement.
- One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation. It makes the adult the final judge and jury… It’s all about the adult’s opinion. And that’s great if the child is a “pleaser”, but if not, your efforts are lost.It won’t work with children who “don’t care what you think”.
- Praise usually end with “est”… cutest, smartest, fastest, quietest, tallest, and funniest, etc. This will encourage competition for sure… “Wow, you are the quietest walker”. “Hey, what about me? I’m a quiet walker too!!”. Boom… competition.
- Praise focuses on the “actor” rather than the “act”. “You are the best at cleaning up the blocks”
- Praise focus on the product rather than the process. “You look so handsome in that suit”
- Praise sets the adult as the standard by which everything is judged. It can be discouraging for those not receiving it. Failure to earn praise is often interpreted as criticism.
- Encouragement is specific. “You colored that picture and used lots of colors in your crayon box. You worked on it for almost an hour.”
- Encouragement is focused on the child’s feelings, not the adult’s. “You seem so proud of yourself! You didn’t think you could get it all done, but you did!”
- Encouragement focuses on the effort, not the outcome. “I was watching you and I saw that you were really concentrating. You stayed focused even though there were a lot distractions.”
- Encouragement is based in reality. “You have come a long way. You weren’t able to read as many words last week”
Praise is important as long as it is genuine praise. Genuine praise is the loving words that arise spontaneously and warmly from the parent's heart, without the thought of manipulating or controlling a child's behavior. All of our children need to hear genuine praise.
I believe that encouragement is more important…we have to help children know that they are on the right track, keep moving in a positive direction and try again when they are ready to give up.
Encourage as much as you can...and praise from the heart!
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